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New month already. Summer is gone, hello Fall.

Ever since the lockdowns started, (back in mid-March, here in the Bay) time has been passing much faster than it already was, he endless cycle of routine hastened even further by staying within the confines of these four walls in a Chinatown hotel. And since I work at this hotel, I've barely had to leave the building. Not that I mind too much- been saving a lot of money, and it's not like I had much of a social life anyway.

I suppose I'm in a bit of a melancholic mood. Been rereading my old blog circa 2001-2003 from the internet archive while I downloaded it and figure out how I'm going to upload it here to its new home here.

I've re-read bits and pieces of it a few times over the last couple of decades, but still I'm struck by how much has changed, and how much has stayed the same, and how much I've forgotten. Apparently I had a best friend I made on a long defunct online roleplaying game. We were quite close, and then things ended when I revealed my true self. And she had some possible romantic feelings towards me? I was quite upset about it, at the time, and here I am, able to recall a lot of my ancient past quite vividly, but for this I mostly draw a blank.

Did she not really mean that much to me? Or so much that I actively worked to suppress and forget it? Or was the memory just a victim of a few too many hangovers?

Who knows. Going through this again I'm more fascinated by how much I haven't changed. Seventeen years ago I was ready to give up everything and just head out the door. I did the same thing Eight years ago, and once again I find myself about to head down that path.

In both cases, I eventually ended up back where I started, stuck in the grind for years. But both times it was quite the ride. I'd probably do it again.

I'm getting to that age that I knew would come eventually, assuming I lived this long, where time takes on a new meaning. Naturally as it becomes more of a limited resource, it becomes more precious. It's crystal clear how much I've wasted. I suppose stealing any moments I can have to be worth something.

I guess it will all make sense, eventually.

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